Don’t be afraid
What your mind conceals
You should make a stand
Stand up for what you believe

And tonight we can truly say, together we’re invincible

Sharing the struggle
THey will pull us down
but please, please lets use this chance to turn things areound

And tonight we can truly say, together we’re invincible

Do it on your own
It makes no difference to me
What you leave behind
What you choose to be
And whatever they say
Your souls unbreakable

Sharing the struggle
They will pull us down
But please, please lets use this chance
To turn things around

And tonight we can truly say
Together we’re invincible
Together we’re invincible

Sharing the struggle
THey will pull us down
But please, please lets use this chance
To turn things around

And tonight we can truly say
Together we’re invincible
Together we’re invincible

—

muse

my friend spun his conspiracy theory of the dead king of po.p not the king of rock or prince, but the first man to do the spacewalk on the planet earth. we share the bike ride home after slinging porn all night. after taking hits from the one hitter that was meant to double as a key chain he departed this theory to me. we shared our feelings about it. it was the only celebrity death that had affected either of us. not at first, b/c it was too surreal at the moment i read it on, yes, a social networking site. it was when i heard a jackson 5 song in the 7 11 the next day that i realized and recollected the totally fucked life that micheal jackson lead.

so clint’s theory is that at some point in the 70’s joe jackson cut michael’s balls off. that was why he had the voice from that age on. it was the reason why he was so small as compared to his brothers, who were big and huge, and as clint described it “michael’s tiny ass nipples”. he is sharing this information at stop lights that later we stopped stopping for. clint said fuck it and we just went. micheal jackson, he related at an intersection, “was asked by opera if he was a virgin, to which michael replied (and i am sure clint was paraphrasing in a falsetto mj voice, not to mock, but just to illustrate) ‘that’s embarassing, why would you ask me that? i’m a gentleman’”. It also explained that Michael was not a child molester but rather A-sexual because he had his balls cut off. He didn’t want the kids he just wanted to be one. The most fucked up thing, was that he was then cursed and blessed to be one of the best performers we human beings could offer to the Heavens. It was not entirely out of the question; it could actually make sense. I wasn’t sure, but I enjoyed the pre rain cooled breeze on my upper arms as we biked, running through lights because we just wouldn’t stop.

When we made it to South Street things were intense. It was mobbed with saturday night trash. Yes, the kind of trash that thinks stop lights don’t apply. Just because the cars can’t move it doesn’t mean that I can’t. FUCKERS. Clint actually forced us through and for that I am in his debt. We parted ways and I was on my own with my thoughts. I was coming to a particular clearness, through several epiphanies i was having about the people in my life and my life right now. What they mean to me, as I know and I can feel a transitional change. It may take a long time but i am getting closer and closer every day. As i was getting more thrilled i continued to speed faster and on the slick rain drizzled road there were two others going just as fast. I braked and they did not. My knee catches the pavement while the bike slides out from under me, ruining my socks. I got up and glared at the dorks with the helmets, even though inside all i could do was laugh and think about the world as a funny fucked up place, and whether or not michael jackson had balls.

And now I’m ready to close my eyes
And now I’m ready to close my mind
And now I’m ready to feel your hand
And lose my heart on the burning sand
And now I wanna be your dog
And now I wanna be your dog
And now I wanna be your dog…

Well, come on…

—
the stooges

i said i didn’t feel anything when i kiss you
it smells like summer’s sweet and sour outside
as it continues to rain on the east coast
in between moments of damp chilled humidity
smoking a rice paper joint in a bus outside of a warehouse
it continues to go out b/c rice paper is shit
fuck it, get a blunt next time
the scene inside is dirty noise bit music
with a projection to match
pixelated clouds and mushrooms dance in color
with me as i close my eyes and swim inside the sound
i didn’t lie as much as omit the truth
i had no desire to see you and i have no desire to kiss you
but you make me feel so bad inside
that i end up seeing you and kissing you
and i wonder if this is what ian feels like when he sees me
which makes me wonder if i will see him again
and then cause that internal twisted feeling
because he cares but it’s just not enough
like i care for you and it’s just not enough
you will never read this and that’s funny
what’s more funny are the people i know that might read this
this is the first time i have written something so unstructered for public viewing in a long time
i am listening to the sparklehorse danger mouse collaboration that EMI refuses to release
it’s probably getting me down more then i would be other wise
but that’s ok
*sigh*
so what am i to do?
i am still biding my time
fighting for my american dream
which i would say is similar to the original notion of what we consider the ideal american lifestyle
yes i want a family and a house and a small space to call my own
i could get blasted by this by the more “liberal” people i know
but what else is there to life?
drinking until your organs fall apart
or ingesting millions of grams of various substances?
why is it that the lifestyle i am attracted to is blasted by these people?
it’s not the end, but i think a beginning
and i am still waiting for that person to show up
it makes me question my own validity
that i haven’t seen this person
and the one i did see it in did not see it in me
what does that mean?
as lames as it sounds
my father assures me that life is a marathon and not a sprint
so i will wait and wait and while i do propel myself into the future
in 3 years i should be a teacher somewhere
hopefully a smallish place within walking distance to the school
everything is ok and will be ok
i just have to remember to believe, wait, and breath
breath!

fuck you for lots of things. but mostly for throwing tantrums at nothing.

dear ian,

fuck you for being a coward and letting me love you to the point where i can not let go and i don’t know if i ever will. i don’t even care to pretend anymore.

dear john,

fuck you for fucking me behind your girlfriend’s back and being shitty to me because you think you can. fuck you for most likely doing the same thing to your wife and leaving your kid behind.

dear morgan,

fuck your relationship with quinn.

dear quinn,

see above.

dear jim,

fuck you for being a robot.

dear james,

fuck you for being a dick.

dear me,

go fuck your self pity.

the best part is…NO ONE reads this blog.

Q: so why even put them together?

it happens at times
on accident
a bicycle getting left out in the rain
multiple times over a period of years
tends to gather rust

other times neglect is the source
of the rust
a railroad tie on a discontinued line
left over many years untraveled
parts of which are made of steel, an alloy of iron
will rust

Q: and how is this relevant to us?

our relationship can be likened to
the occurrence of rust
(a gentle disintegration)
but we are not rust out of neglect
or out of an accident
but rather we are rust
because it is inherent in our
nature to do so together

Q: how are you going to accomplish this?

she smiled and showed me her laptop
it had stickers on it
we had met at the local library
before she had obtained this
sleek piece of machinery

she said that she no longer
needed the outside world
just the one that was in here
she touched her hand to the keys

Q: what about the mystery of the great outdoors?

at this she made a half smile
and looked to me and then to the machine
she told me that it was no longer
a mystery that everything we had
ever known
or will ever know
is inside this device

her eyes glazed over at this instant
and she fell to the floor
her body gripped in the throes of
a terrible seizure jerking and moving
arms and legs and torso
moving as if they were not connected to a whole

and this is when i knew
that this was not real
and that i was asleep
and all i had to do
was wake up

On a trip he was inside a plane

He was going across the ocean
Closing his eyes
He recalled what he would
Do in the cool grass
When the plane was going down
Into the ocean between destinations

When the plane skimmed at
The surface of the briny deep
He was half asleep in the
Calm memory of the cool grass