The Prodigal Daughter

8 years old and leering at pornography
in this autobiography

10 and looking at the pictures
the women half covered
their nipples were star bursts

11 at home alone in the house
making the best i could out of
scrambled images from the pay channels

12 and watching a video cassette found behind a hat box
the woman’s pubic hair was wild and she
still had her socks on
her tan legs up in the air on the exercise bench
him penetrating that wild jungle
it was exciting to look at
it made the body quiver

16 and dating men too old
always thinking that i was the one in control
giving it away with out any knowledge of
the damage it would cause
hanging out in a store full of it

19 and in europe exploring
the men had accents and would speak
in their native tongues
it was so exhilarating

23 and in love with a man
who had the same affliction
and the same pension for writing
he would break her heart in a way
she could have never thought possible

25 in the city of brotherly love
talking to anyone that would listen
and stuck into a self made existence
breaking hearts and cutting out her own

the bottom drops out
of the ride at the county fair
	
admission tickets were
obtained from a red nosed drunk
	
inside yer on the ride
the cheap metal parts screech
they groan with age and yell
at the top of their metal lungs
	
you feel like you might die
because you can see your feet
	
they aren't touching a thing
hands pressed hard against the metal
	
yer gut is pressed into yer kidneys
so you scream bloody murder
	
it is all inertia at this point
pressing you to the wall
	
when you realize this you
compose and go along for the ride
	
b/c it is a force of nature
and the bottom is no longer needed

her arms
butterfly wings
pinned closely to
a felt box backing
solitude is always
hard to adjust to
even when it’s what
you’ve been screaming for

ISN’T THIS WHAT YOU WANTED? he screamed

but it was only half

his arms
pins in butterfly wings
pushed into the felt
solitude is always
hard to adjust to
when what you always needed
was just right there

ISN’T THIS WHAT YOU WANTED? he screamed

in the box
on display with no movement
the butterfly is dead
for the collection in the
wood paneled hall way
as a memory for a warning

and are the words still coming out?
they are but were like
heavy sounds from the diaphragm
a captives' cry for help
	
the scene like this:
barefoot on a stage
for a high school drama rehersal
of romeo and juliet
the set isn't even painted yet
a teacher is a man in his 30's
repeating what a drama teacher
told him 15 years prior
\"PLEASE...FROM THE DIAPHRAGM!”
	
i own a masking tape mouth
telephone technology
keeps up with it for me
i send the words through the air
to pixelate on cellular phones
in short messages
	
he hollered...you mean like semifore?
no
more like morse code?
no
more like telegraph?
no
more like a carrier pigeon?
no
more like notes passed in a classroom?
yes
	
and are the words still coming out?
six months celibate
from what was done best
a period of hibernation
	
the scene like this:
the stage crew is putting
together the ply wood setting
with furious determination
faux brick patterns and
crawling plant life for
the famous balcony scene
they are sawing and hammering
and only a month later
they will strike this set
	
i own a mechanical heart
it beats out of nessecity
for life but the feeling
there is half gone for
a two year struggle to feel human
	
she hollered...you mean like the tin man?
no
more like a robot?
no
more like a serial killer?
no
more like a robber baron?
no
more like a jilted lover?
yes
	
and are the words still coming out?
yes, we possess the strength to push forward
into the future and out of the past