14 again. i am bleaching my hair to the point of damage. i might even dye it pink. i am working at a grocery store. i am celibate. i want to have a close group of friends that watch movies together. i don’t want anything more or less. i won’t take no for an answer. i spend way too much time with my parents. i am reverting.
“no matter where we are we’re always touching by underground wires”

The newest effort by this band put out a couple of months ago is so dammed good. I first became familiar with them through a song called pancakes for one. That song is a far cry from anything witnessed on the album “Hissing Fauna, Are you the Destroyer?”. The writing has become far more complex. Kevin Barnes has tapped into a pop funk album about mental breakdowns, breakups, and girls who don’t have soul. It’s a carnival of sounds that are both pop sensible and complex. In a way it reminds me of Beck’s Midnight Vultures; it’s danceable while speaking to a generations’ anxiety about issues concerning relationships and mental health. It’s a little less coherent, so it’s like Midnight Vulture’s weirdo uncle who just doesn’t have it as together.
“The Past is a Grotesque Animal” is a beautiful song about a failed relationship that clocks in at just under 12 minutes. It’s an electronic rock epic that will make you think about any relationship that you may ever had. With lines like “It’s so embarrassing to need someone like I do you/How can I explain I need you here and not here too” and “Somehow you’ve red-rovered the gestapo circling my heart/And nothing can defeat you/No death, no ugly world” it makes me think that Barnes is a talented poet as well as musician. There don’t seem to be enough of that combination. “A Sentence of Sorts In Kongsvinger” is a casio inspired song that is both fun in music and a little dark in meaning. The point is that it’s so fun that you hardly notice the mental breakdown, which is kind of what it’s like when you try to combat one of those episodes.
I don’t think that everything on this album is great, but it’s definitely something more interesting than other things I have heard of late. I was never too impressed with them until I heard this album and now I think they’re pretty ok. Give it a listen and if you don’t have the patience for whole album sit downs (shame on you!) then at least listen to The Past is a Grotesque Animal.
i saw a clip on you tube the other day about a man who decided to walk 1,000 miles. he did it because he read a book by a woman named Peace Pilgrim who walked more than 25,000 miles in her personal pilgrimage for peace. to most people this sounds crazy. since i have seen this i envision myself walking all the way to albuquerque. i see myself getting to his door and saying “suprise”. along the way i may meet up with people who can help expand my mind to new perspectives. sometimes the missing of some one can just get to be too much. i have become encapsulated in my own world. people have told me that it’s yourself that can make you feel better; only you can change things. i don’t know how to change things and i feel like i am getting stuck. i feel like i am too old to be doing what i am doing. working in some kind of retail and making claims of going back to school. maybe if i went on some crazy walk and i didn’t even have any destination in mind (not even albuquerque this time) that somehow i could reach an inner peace. it’s just something i have been thinking about.
I can’t! When that happens i am online and when i am online i am usually using the firefox plugin stumbleupon, that is if i amnot doing anything that’s of real use. sometimes it brings me to some really great sites like this one featuring audrey kawasaki’s art work. i have noticed a trend in art recently that pushes this kind of innosence erotica. similar to mark ryden. i like audrey’s work better for some reason. it might be because she is a woman and these images are somewhat less disturbing coming from her. i also think that ryden’s work is a little too political for me. here are some of my favorites by her:



this is hardly finished…sigh: 
Put away those memory photographs
we can’t have those in the new place
with the new family, why it’d be a ghost
staring down at us while we eat our food
untensils clatter on porcelin speaking
nothing of the abandoned bread line
They are a unit, parts not for individual sale
mouthing i love yous across the table
catapaulting themselves into togetherness with
stride and careful recognition as fixtures
a forgotten daughter pulls knees to chest
under the ground in camden new jersey
Put away those old memory gifts
we can’t have those on display while we
try to watch a new romantic comedy
featuring someone we know today; not tommorrow
shifting weight of eyes turn to a screen knowing
nothing of the refurbished plot arc
They watch, diligently laughing on cue
playing footsies on the rug with one
eye on eachother the whole time crying
while direction pulls them in and out
a forgotten son plays guitar for money
under the ground in philadelphia
Put away those old undergarments
we can’t look at them while we fuck
ourselves into exhaustion, it’d be
like knowing the past of some unexpected fling
bearing flesh into one another as bedclothes
tear from mattress frames in procreation
They do the ritual horizontal shuffle
obliterating all previous bed fellows
as a forgotten partner listens to sirens
in a dark city knowing they live above a ground infested with the skeletal remains of cockroaches
“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”
— F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
So despite the fact that i hate job hunting i tried to make it fun today by taking my digital camera with me. This proved to be a good idea and i got some nice shots of old city and south street. On south i took pictures of the graffiti on the back of street signs and the mosaic area that anyone who has ever been there should know. i saw a man on the sidewalk of broad making a painting and i took some pictures of him. he didn’t seem to mind. i get in my own world with my headphones on and sometimes i forget to ask if it’s ok or not to take pictures when people are involved. These are some of my favorites from today:




Too look at some more cick here
fuck lisa brady and her 12 step program
congrats on that CNN time…
the non faced students, just legs
walking down the hall, that’s all
rebellion is the key to adolescence
interview the docile students
remember the honors society incident?
and now the government comes in with
their congratulations and incentives
after arrests of a major drug cartel
in the same news story!
making you fucking rich…you care…seems misplaced in a way
next to that stack of your billfold
this is a mess:
I. someone come fuck!n save me b/c i can't do it for myself any fuck!ng more it's getting real bad like it hasn't been and i asked it of jesus the other day but he didn't answer, it was busy who am i kidding i'm no wirter i can't even spel,l someone come fuck!n save me b/c i can't do it for myself any fuck!ng more i want to be a little darlin and lord knows up till now i could save meyself but now it's not gonna happen no more who am i kidding i'm no good person i can't even be self,less someone come fuck!n save me b/c i can't do it for myself any fuck!ng more and i came from a school that prides itself on tests at random yeah fuck you lisa brady you made us all pay for your check who am i kidding i was never clean i can't even be sob,er someone come fuck!n save me b/c i can't do it for myself any fuck!ng more maybe i ask for too much and now it gets personal but don't you all just feel the same? who are we kidding we were never saviors we can't even lov,e II. i saw a preacher today that told me \"love takes action; with out that it's just: wrds\" these are just words angry at that save yourself i'll save me, but i'm telling you it gets harder every day


