The Prodigal Daughter

It’s been updated. Ideas for Christmas. Look on the right. You’ll see it. I will be adding more. Basically lots of black turtlenecky things…

I was pretty bored last night and my adventure to the frontier landed me on Sabrina and Levi’s sofa to watch The Plague with James Van Der Beek (yeah he spells it that way, i looked it up). During the film I dubbed him The Beek. It’s just easier that way. I haven’t really been a fan of Mr. Barker since Hellraiser, was there really anything else? Not to worry he only slapped his name on this little baby. It was a straight to the shelves and an On Demand release. Digital cable is so wonderful in this way.

The Plague is a tale about children that all go into comas and then 10 years later wake up and start eating people’s souls. Or at least that’s what I surmised from the terrible screenplay. This is one of those films that you want to talk through the whole time. Otherwise it is completely unbearable and hard to follow. The best jokes we made were concerning what all the adults would do if there were no children for ten years. I forgot to mention that any child that was born was also comatose. Brilliant! What would video games center around? Girls gymnastics would totally be fucked. Etc.

The best part is The Beek anyway. He is a really buff version of himself from Dawson’s Creek and someone finally told him to put his hair over that huge fucking forehead. He’s also grown out the facial hair to soften his chin up a bit. What The Beek does best in this movie is reactionary facial expressions. He furrows his brows just the way you would want a confused bar brawling ex con to. The Beek delivers. Other than him there’s really no one else mentionable in this film.

What it comes down to is drinking heavily or being under the influence of something while hanging out with a lot of people. There is no other way to watch this film. It is one of the bad baddies that everyone enjoys making jokes during. I suggest starting a drinking game that centers around when the group of you says “awwww” in unison because it will happen. Every time the book Grapes of Wrath is shown would be another suggestion. There’s really no point in making any kind of symbolic parallel or plot connection during this one. You have to wonder…how did someone sell this to Clive, and then, why can’t I write terrible schlock?