so none of it exists anymore. i am convinced that love doesn’t exist again. i thought that it did but it must have been a clever rouse. he fell out as i fell in and i guess it’s only ever equal for so long. i was so incredibly happy and it doesn’t seem like i can get that back at the moment. but it’s all only seem. the way things appear at the moment through my perspective. it kills me inside. what happened to something that someone did feel? where could it have gone? i speculate so many things that my brain becomes a mass of branches twisting into one another. i think that maybe he thinks he can’t be free and be with me at the same time. i am not willing to buckle under his perspective. i know what we had was genuine. i know it’s not completley gone. space. space to me feels like death. i am trying to be optomistic. i left my key. i deleted his number. now it’s just lonely waiting. my mind is playing tricks on me. you wouldn’t know unless you’ve actually felt it. and wouldn’t understand otherwise. it wasn’t like anything else and for a while i felt like we were untouchable. like we were the subject of every love poem ever written. and he wrote like he was in love. i feel tricked. but he still hasn’t made up his mind and i am in limbo. waiting….