and this is where i get personal.

Ian-
I miss you and being able to have some one to confide in; the comfort of knowing that you would not judge and that you can understand me the way that most people cannot. I even broke down in front of Amy today while I was moving my car with her. I have decided to give camaraderie a second chance because I have been worn ragged by this office and the moment that you go away I receive news from my parents (both my mother and father) that my mother is probably leaving my father. Not the fake leaving, threats have been issued since I was a small child. That is probably where I received my pension for throwing things at people when I am angry (it pays off more then social security). It’s the real leaving, and I could tell by the strain in her voice that she is disgusted with him and his voice just sounds weary of it all. What bothers me the most is not the fact that I think they are in love and should have ever been together, but the fact that they both need eachother. They have depended on the support (though the support I speak of is often misplaced in yelling (dad) and passive aggressive behavior (my mother). This support system is almost essential to their survival as individuals. My father has blown all of his money like he does every 5 years or so on some shady business venture and this time it’s made them more poor then I think they can recover from. What makes this particularly difficult is that I think that I was pegged to be the one to pick them up and I didn’t meet their time line. I can’t pick them up and it kills me that I can’t. I am sure that most of this is in my own mind, but to be successful in the monetary sense is what they have always wanted for me. So after all this, if they do leave eachother and my sister picks whichever one to live with most easily, I am heartbroken. I know that it’s a little far into the future but I was going to try and take us both out for Christmas. I wanted you to see where I grew up, even if it’s only a segment of what it once was. I wanted to take you on a drive (a drive means going on dangerous back roads in the snow and smoking marijuana), and meet all of my ridiculous friends that you would love. I don’t know if any of that is possible now. My mother says she should know my September. I hope Texas is wonderful and give my regards to your father and mother.
Love
Natalie