i am such an asshole with this blog lately. but never fear. my new laptop is soon to be arriving and it will instantly make me productive. love does funny things to a person. like make them forget what they are supposed to be doing. i have realized, after much painstaking scrutiny, that this person does not, and probably will not feel the same way. i am therefore trying to kick the habit. for i am a junkie. i love the irrationality and the fear. i have to turn myself away though. just disappear. i have to come back to my writing. and to whoever may read this.