So there are these speed humps everywhere. Yes speed HUMPS. I made up a game this evening called speed hump me! Every time you go over one you have a mini orgasm, but more importantly they’re fucking obnoxious. In any suburban development they exist. I want to go around and write ME! On everymutherfucking last one. yes that is one word. So this evening I ran into some of the most awful girls I have ever met. And I’m not just saying this because I have bias.

But please it was all like “the war is on…or…I’m going to buy a vest from urban that’s made almost entirely of ribbons. These girls are literally like the speed humps of life. You’re just minding your own business when you hear them mention something and they’re fairly loud and so it’s hard not to hear them. These girls are just trying so hard to be something and I’m not the type of person who talks about stuff I don’t know about. I won’t be embarrassed to ask questions to people if I don’t know what they’re talking about. So what were they talking about that made me say something and bring an ungodly silence to the evening and all you could hear were the screaming crickets and cicadas in your head?

I overheard the name jello biafra. You may have heard of him, he was the lead singer of a band called the Dead Kennedys. Now, however, he’s a total ass hole. He’s now just a fat hypocrite who talks out of his ass and tries to fuck his band mates out of royalties. He’s everything he ever hated, a god damn motherfucking hippy. So when this girl is talking about how the war is on and how there is a protest and how jello biafra is going to speak at it I can’t help but tell her what a jerk that guy really is.

Silence befalls the small deck that we are sitting upon. I told her that I had seen him speak which is indeed true. He’s well informed, yes, but also crazy. He just ends up repeating himself and making the point more and more irrelevant. This wasn’t a stab at the girl. It was just to inform her. Later I hear that she was making obscene hand gestures and when jerry arrived (the guy whose house we were at, whom I’ve known for years on end) the three of them tried to get him to go to the dinner with them. In reply jerry stayed, and we all fucking laughed at them when we left because the whole situation was hilarious. It’s like a speed hump. When you see it you groan, but if you just make it into a joke, it’s efing droll. James Drabble: those girls were explosively dull…